


Anal Sex With A Bear

by lukaatthat



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: "SEX WITH A BEAR", "so, ANAL SEX WITH A BEAR, Based on an actual conversatiom, M/M, what's the penalty?"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9402641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukaatthat/pseuds/lukaatthat
Summary: Alexander and Thomas yell "ANAL SEX WITH A BEAR" for forty-five minutes at Madison while Lafayette desperately tries to grasp the situation. Laurens is there too, casually slitting his own throat with shards of regret. This is his life now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a real event 

So. It all started, rather harmlessly. Madison and Lafayette had a short competition on who could draw the shittiest picture of Alexander without making it offensive, and the loser would be given a penalty by the judges.

This is where it starts to go wrong.

The two honerable men asked for the judges (Hamilton, Jefferson and Laurens) votes, and Lafayette won by a single vote from Hamilton ("that's what you get for denying me last weekend Madison you fucker"), and as a result the group were trying to figure out a penalty. By group, I mean Laurens and Lafayette, as Hamilton and Jefferson were... Preoccupied.

"I've said it once, I'll say it again, anal sex with a bear. The only way to go" Jefferson explained lavishly, pointing accusingly at the mess that was Hamilton, who was trying his best to rid the image of Jefferson fucking Winnie The Pooh from behind. That's one thing he could go without. 

"Christ Thomas, is that up on your Sexual Endevoirs list along with sex while sky diving, sex on a horse and a threesome with two bears?" Hamilton's question was answered with a wink from Jefferson and a groan from Madison.

Jefferson continued nevertheless "I mean, are you straight if you have anal sex with a bear? Are you gay? So many questions. Is there a line of masculinity to cross that prevents your overflowing testosterone?" 

Madison was not amused.

"I'm pretty sure that makes you a furry, Thomas..." Hamilton banged his fist against the table in his laughing fit, causing the nearby couple of Lafayette and Laurens to glare them down once again.

"Oui oui baguette bonjour c'est fuck, I'm going to hang myself off the schools basketball court if you continue to explain in full detail how to have anal sex with a bear while Head Master Washington is three feet behind us, do you have no morals Jefferson?" The French furry whispered furiously across the table.

"No, I've told you before Laf, first you make sure the wife isn't home, then you make sure the bear is dead (does that make is better or worse?) Then you fuck said bear" 

"IM CRYING THOMAS STOP IM GOING TO CHOKE"

"on a bear's dick?"

"I SWEAR TO GOD YOU TWO ARE THE WORST, THOMAS STOP GIVING MY BAG STRAP A HAND JOB FOR FUCKS SAKE" Madison cried out in anguish and disgust 

"Listen, James, I'm straight. I kiss you two not because I'm gay but because I'm a furry." Madison stood up harshly and held onto Jefferson's collar with the final shreds of his dignity.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A BEAR YOU FUCK?"

The entire hall is silent at this point, the only sounds are Jefferson and Hamilton's hsuhed laughter, and the glare of Washington slices right through Madison.

The silence is broken when quiet beat boxing echoes.

"Anal sex with a bear, a-a-anal sex with a bear, anal, anal, anal, anal, anal sex.sex.sex. with a fucking bear. anal sex with a bear, anal sex with a bear, anal sex with a bear, anal, anal, anal, anal anal, anal sex with a bear"

It was of course Alexander who ended that day in Washingtons office for crude behaviour with a two hour detention.

Thomas and James didn't get much better with a three day suspension for violence.

I mean, they weren't complaining.

**Author's Note:**

> Your welcome, fucking Furries (;
> 
> This was amazing to write I fucking


End file.
